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Hard Bonus: Incorporate a Civil War battlefield
Easy Bonus: Mention a tombstone
While life has many triumphs, it can also be a Garden of Broken Dreams. A lot of people were trying to steer me to be a preschool/kindergarten teacher. Yes, I love children, but I’m not sure I’m cut out to work in a daycare or any other early childhood setting. At this point, I think being a volunteer grandma to help rock babies would be alright. Going through college, I’d considered becoming a music teacher, possibly for middle school, since the transition stage can make or break a student. Again, it it as a barrage of what’s wrong with teaching the babies music? Not my calling… I’d have lost my support if I chose to go into performance. So I decided to get a degree in International Relations with a minor in Political Science, thinking that would help me have options… I understood people, even with broken English & thick accents. With the world shrinking & the global market being more global, I thought it was a good option, since my hometown here is the home of so many international companies, not to mention that I didn’t mind working with elected officials & the capitol (so I’d possibly have the option to retire & become a diplomat somewhere) just to find out that the one person who should have been my best supporter was going behind my back and I don’t know what was said, just that the grapevine came back to me saying that I should stop applying to these places to save me a lot of embarrassment. So, I never got the chance… Especially since back then, there really wasn’t an option to be a modern female ball player…
I kept playing music for as long as possible. I got married to leave home, and the red flags were there, too, but I had to leave… Once I became a mom, that was rewarding. But eventually had to choose between playing or being Mom, so I stepped away. Raising a child is beautiful. But with the need to earn some money, I settled for a home care position that I could work around my son’s schedule, though that was difficult, too, since it’s literally a back breaking job. You’re transferring and moving people that can be big. The longer I stayed, despite applying to other jobs, the less I was being considered. I’d applied to an office position, asked my then husband not to tell my mother, he did, and I went around to check up on the status of that application at the homecare agency, just to overhear the conversation of “how bad is it that her own mother…” – needless to say, I didn’t get that one either, and the only consolation was “there will be other opportunities” (there hasn’t been). I have since found someone new, and blessed to have him. It got to the point that I couldn’t do it anymore, with the job & ex. My body felt as if I was put through McPherson’s Ridge (where the Battle of Gettysburg began at about 8 a.m. on July 1, 1863 near McPherson Ridge as United States cavalry confronted Confederate infantry advancing east along Chambersburg Pike. Heavy fighting spread north and south along the ridgeline north of the town of Gettysburg as additional forces from both sides arrived.) So I signed up for a course to become a Health Unit Coordinator, got a 3.9 GPA, joined the national association, and no luck… I didn’t last long at the VA nursing home, and the temp/contract place decided to go a different direction. *sigh* Maybe I should be glad that there isn’t a tombstone with my name on it. I’d landed at the Public Defender’s office, and I was so excited, but after spending 5 years as an applicant, didn’t quite have what it took to retain my position.
Eventually, in 2019, I got the opportunity to play again, and here I am with that… I’m actually fortunate that I have these opportunities to play. While I doubt that anything will turn around for financial stability, playing music is my sanity, and motherhood is my grace. In 2020 a pinched nerve made it so I couldn’t work, and earlier this year, a dislocated shoulder is still affecting me, 5 months later… The job I had before this one at a nonprofit was ideal, but was downsized due to budget reasons. I’m currently at a reception job that I’m lucky to have. My coworkers & residents are great. I still don’t know what we’ll do, if sidewalks or windows need to be replaced, but I guess I’ll cross that bridge when it comes. For now, I just have to appreciate what I have.
Picture from when we went to Japan in 2016.
