My Crazy Aspirations: How They Came...

Just as a little background, that may not really be about my aspirations, but, is very telling in the fact that these would be considered obstacles. The phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is not a true sentence. At all. My broken bones made by sticks and stones will heal. But, words often have more bite than the physical condition, and can ring loudly inside your head. Try to imagine your own parents, from day 1, telling you that you are not smart enough, not fast enough, not good enough, not talented enough, not hard working enough… Literally, everyone else was better than me, smarter than me, more talented than me, worked harder than me, and this wasn’t just a phase, this has literally been since before I was born, until about 3 or 4 years ago… Even now, others are a higher priority, but, that is okay… Now. Many of these people are in much more dire need than myself. I was born in Tokyo. My mother brought my sister and I here, to S.E. Wisconsin, where my grandparents, aunts & uncles, cousins, etc. were, when I was an 8 year old. The first 4th of July parade I remember watching here in good ole Racine, WI was that summer in 1977. While I don’t remember specifics, I do remember seeing a LOT of marching bands, drum & bugle corps, and there was LOTS of music. What I DO remember clearly, is stating that some day, they would all watch ME in that parade someday, and everyone laughed, either stating that I could only wish… Or how cute I was being… So I get patted on the head, and basically no one believed I would be serious about any of this, since I did not even play an instrument… Today, a kazoo band can be in the parade. A couple of years later, when my mom was a student at UW-Parkside, as a double nursing student (through the St. Luke’s School of Nursing) and wrapping up her BA at the university to finish her history degree, I remember going into the theater during one of my mom’s night classes to watch the Wind Ensemble band concert there. At that time, the theater was more geared toward the dramatic arts, it was considered top technology when building it. I had softly stated that I wanted to play on a stage just like that, which also came with laughter and a pat on the head, as if I was not serious… Once, I even mentioned that I would be paid for my efforts, and of course, I could not possibly be serious, then, either, and, it was again, another thing of silly child’s play which would never pan out… This was my reality. From birth through much of my adulthood so far. Yes, even from family, who wanted to push me into being a preschool music teacher, or a day care worker, because I love small children. That type of position never interested me. At all. So I didn’t go there. Anyway… Fall of 1979, entering 5th grade, I was at one of those meet ups for students interested in learning how to play a wind or percussion instrument. I wanted to play drums, but was told NO! I looked at the trumpet, and after being asked to take a deep breath and show how to expel it, the guy wasn’t impressed, I guess I had too much breath control, or something… I was scolded for not knowing enough to buzz my lips. As if I would know? There was a flute. Not interested. An oboe.. too delicate… I walked over a little more, and saw this long, black, sleek instrument with shiny silver keys… I knew that was mine at that moment. It was a B- clarinet. And I got it. During school, I was timid playing, especially since I’d gotten mine late… But, the fact that I’d always been musical, it didn’t take long for me to actually catch up. Even through 7th grade, I was timid. I had wanted to join the marching band then, but we were moving, so the answer was no. The next year, in 1983, coming out of 8th grade, I was able to join, but, not without the lecture about how I am clumsy, and how if I commit, I have to stay the whole season, and you know the deal, and of course, no one thought I could do it. Memorial Day – 1983 – Opening act for the parade, to end in the cemetery for the ceremony… Not anything big, but, I was in step, in line, and I played. I did it. The season continued, to the July 4th parade, the 4th Fest field show, the whole season, and I made it through each and every show. It was awesome to be able to take part in something that great. The energy from the out door field, the audience in anticipation, the electricity bouncing back and forth… And I was a part of it. Each day, I’d not only go to rehearsal for 4 hours a day M-F, I’d also practice at least that much on my own. The next summer, I went back, got to jam it out again. The third year, I tried out for the Color Guard portion, and was not accepted. But, I had the option to join the drum-line, so I did. :) Played cymbals for 2 summers, and helped load the drum equipment back and forth, and my 5th (and last, because I was a graduating senior) year, I was up in the drum pit. This was totally awesome for me. yes. me. The 8 year old that had gotten laughed off of the family parade spot, actually marched the parade, 5 years in a row, and did a whole summer of field shows in competitions. Me. The clumsy kid, who wasn’t good enough, actually did it. Whose laughing now? After graduating, I’d gone to, guess where, UW-Parkside, where I continued to play my clarinet, more often than not, and eventually played both the clarinet AND the tenor saxophone with the Wind Ensemble, and the sax in the jazz band… On the stage that I had stated I wanted to play on… So, it wasn’t someplace big, just the local commuter’s university, but still. It was a stage that had a little bit of recognition in the community. I’d practice for hours and hours at a time, and I’d practice until my lip couldn’t sip anything out of a straw. And yes, it paid off. Any questions yet? I’d finally finished, and then graduating in June of 1995 with my B.A. in International Relations with a minor in Political Science, I’d been on the Sister City Counsel, and the next year, played with the Racine Municipal Band. And, voila… It wasn’t much. For a weekly 3 hour rehearsal, and a weekly concert over the summer at the local zoo, I was getting paid about $35/wk. So it was only a few bucks. That is okay. It paid for my gas, and that was good enough. So I aspired to be able to take a part in the local music scene, and sure enough, yes. They came to be. I answered everyone’s laughter and questions, but proving them wrong, that yes, I really DO have some talent, even if I didn’t take it any further… My best moment though, was not at a public performance. It was my final jury on my clarinet, that I’d finally started taking lessons for, at age 22, while a student at Parkside. All who take private lessons have kind of a “final exam”, where at the end of the semester, you play in front of a panel of professors. This panel is called a jury, with up to about 5 or 6 music professors filling out a sheet to let you know their assessment in my performance… I was up in front of my lesson teacher, who was the Jazz Ensemble conductor, my Wind Ensemble professor who basically watched me grow up from this shy 18 year old girl, to a 26 year old youthful woman, and the percussion instructor… I was a bit nervous, since I take some liberties in my interpretation, and let the feel of the music (by me and my accompanist) dictate if the tempo remains a rigid thing, or to let it take it’s natural course within certain parameters… In the end, as a graduating student, there was nothing to worry about… One of them wrote that I’d put too much dynamics and that I could have kept it a little bit tame. The next one said I had nailed it just right, and that it was a perfect execution of the piece. Finally, another review of doing MORE with the dynamics and making it more expressive, but, that it had been the best I’ve done yet… And that was the one I did on my brand new Leblanc Sonata – a lower end professional clarinet, I think it was at the time… And to think I went from the plastic Vito (student model) in 5th grade, to getting a Noblet (intermediate level model) for my 16th birthday, to my self bought LeBlanc Sonata… All from the same company, LeBlanc makes all 3 lines… A funny thing… when I had gone into the music store to buy it, the guy there showed me 3 different kinds, and said if I couldn’t figure out which one, he had a couple more… thing was, I started with the Buffet clarinet, which is considered to be the highest top end, but, didn’t feel right in my hands. The next one was a Patricola, or something? Well, it wasn’t so bad in my hands, but, I did not like the tone quality as well. With the Sonata, it was almost as if putting it together to test it out was the engagement, and, so, I had decided, in 5 short minutes… I come out, the owner thinks there is something wrong. I say no, I want the Sonata… the marriage is done. I still have it to this day. <3 Success story of the day, and it all came to be to my satisfaction. My final student performance – Mozart’s Clarinet Concerto – 1st movement – I had a pianist, not an orchestra… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSUqYbWSOkQ