Yes, this is another one of my gripe blogs. A rant of sorts. Story telling of disgruntled people, including advocates. But, I promise to keep the rating at PG-13.
I have a bucket list. No. Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere too soon, and it will be a LONG time until anyone will be able to rid the planet of me. My job as an advocate is nowhere near being complete, or the ball rolling fast enough to hand off the baton to the next person. So, if you want to see this as a positive thing, go for it, though, there isn’t much that can be said to the fact that somethings will never ever happen, unless some sort of freakishly good karma kills off this insanely crazy dogma that seems to be a regular in my life. I wish it would go away, because no luck is sounding like good luck in this long time of bad luck.
So, let me start with my bucket list, so you can rant and rave about how cool my list is, because, you know, sometimes I just have to drown myself in cotton sheets of coolness. But don’t get me wrong. There is no awesomeness here, because this is only a bucket list, and nothing more at this time. So, here it goes, you freaky cool friends of mine, here is my list.
1) Hand Gliding - solo... Yes, I want to jump off of a cliff, strapped into a mock set of wings, and fly in the air until I’m good and ready to land on solid ground. And I want to do it w/o being attached to someone else. Yes, I am afraid of heights, but, soaring through the wind is so appealing, that it overrules my acrophobia.
2) Playing a Trombone... Yeah, you know, that golden brass instrument that you buzz your lips into, and it has a moving slide that helps you change the notes you’re going to play. And, even if it’s just once, I’d like to play it in a Big Band, Swing Band, Jazz Band... think “Sing, Sing, Sing with a Swing, with the Christopher Columbus Intro”... That would be totally awesome. And yes, I want to play in front of an audience, and hope that at least a few people know how to dance to this kind of music... Pass the smiles around, you know? Yes.
3) Electric Bass... Yes. Plug me in, you crazed rockers out there! You know you love to rock out, and I want to jam on! Classic rock, alternative rock, if it rocks, I want to jam on, similar to this short list, but there are more: Turn to Stone by ELO, Basket Case by Green Day, Born to be Wild by Steppenwolf, other stuff including some Billy Joel songs, most of Dead or Alive’s Rip It Up album, and other cool songs by awesome bands like Bachman Turner Overdrive, and you know, that stuff... Only a couple of bubble gum songs from the 80’s, but, it would just be neat.
4) Drums... Oh, yeah, you know, like the one song... I want to bang on the drums all day, and a song similar to The Entertainer by Billy Joel. And a couple others. Just to say I learned how to play. That’s it.
5) Becoming a Diver, as in, a Search & Rescue Diver. Just because, it isn’t necessarily to save anyone, but, in many cases, in situations like missing persons or other important times, people need closure, and I’d like to help get that for people. Even if it isn’t the result they are looking for, it at least will give them the opportunity to move forward with life.
6) Droning - like Bag Pipe Drones. And not the usual type, I was thinking more like The Kilt Meets Wednesday Addams. I know, I know... I’m a little off center. But, hey, it would be crazy fun, to pull off an act like this. Maybe I could be a secret ninja moonlighting as a weird piper... Okay, so even joking aside, though, yes, I would do the Addams Family themed piping, another is to play at funerals of people who may not have had anyone to give them a funeral, or maybe too destitute to have anything except to just be dumped into Potter’s Field. This, because no one should have to die alone and forgotten about. I know it’s just me, but, sometimes that is all it takes, is just one person to make a huge impact for someone else, and especially if they were forgotten about in life, doesn’t mean they should be forever forgotten in death.
7) Be in a movie, somehow, or rather than write an autobiography in book form, to write a screen play instead, for my life in words and pictures.
8) I’d love to be able to work with a dog sled team in Alaska or Canada. And while I’m there, go fishing and cook up what I catch on an open fire.
9) There are a few celebrities I’d love to meet. Of course, #Rhyno is at the top, but, there are others, too, that would be super neat. These include #HughJackman, #BrookeShields, and won’t bore you with a long list of who I’d like to meet. I’d also love to become on good terms with Russ Feingold. Rhyno, whose real name is Terry Gerin, is at the top, as a professional wrestler who is also running for state assembly in the greater Detroit area. He’s not your typical athlete, who get pegged as being meatheads. He is actually quite smart, and with what I have read up on him, he will be excellent as a state rep. Mr. Gerin has passion, loves the community he calls home, dedication, and is moderate in his vision, which will bring back more unity in state government for Michigan. The fact that Detroit used to be famous as “Motor City” for all of the various car companies that manufactured there; Racine, WI used to be famous as “Tractor City” for the Case tractors that were manufactured here. Also, Racine and Detroit are in S.E. corners of respective states, and while Racine has Lake Michigan, Detroit has Lake Erie to the east.
10) Be an ambassador. To some foreign country where it may be difficult to find someone to go to. As a kid, I had many dreams... I wanted to be a performer, or POTUS, or a lawyer, or a ball player, or a hockey player.... But, with each thing, I came back to being able to be a dignitary in a foreign country. I’d graduated with a BA in International Relations with a minor in Political Science, hoping that this would be able to get me into the game, but, it never happened...
11) As the founder of a 501c4, #YouthVoiceInitiative, I’d like to be able to say that the organization passed at least 1 good piece of legislation to protect our abused children. I have a few people that have been coming to meetings, and seems as if we will be able to do that sooner than later. Here is to hoping that this part WILL happen. So, to make up for # 10, maybe redefining what it means to be an ambassador would be appropriate, to be the voice from those who are in abusive situations that can’t speak for themselves without risking being hurt very badly. I would be happy with that.
12) Start my own business, where I can sell my creations. But, again, I have no start up capital. No one seems interested in buying my stuff. While no, it’s not designer bags or what have you, but, I also don’t charge a lot, either. I love to cook, but, with a bad back, I don’t know if I could do the restaurant thing. Most people who have eaten my food will testify to you that not only do I make nutritious look delicious, but also that it is fit for fine dining.
Of course, I consider myself lucky, it’s not as if I have NEVER done anything exciting, it’s just, somehow, life just dudded out on me... BIG TIME!!!! I’ll get around to this later. But, to bring the mood back up, here are some of the things I have done:
1) Traveled to New York by myself (I was 19), and met my friends Saddaf and Farah, and met their sister Furyal and the rest of the family, over the New Year holiday. They were nice enough to take me to the Pak-Am party, where we got to spend New Years Eve at a New York penthouse on Time Square, to watch the balloon drop... Though I didn’t get much of that view, it was just too cool to be able to do that, and yes, almost 30 years later, I am STILL bragging about this...
2) As you may have guessed, I am pretty musical minded. As a young child, I had made up my mind that I wanted to march in a band for the 4th of July parade, and to be able to play a concert in a concert hall. I did both with my clarinet, as I did join the Lighthouse Brigade marching band, and even got to be in the drum-line for the last 3 years. I also played tenor sax, and played concerts locally with both my clarinet and sax. I even played a short stint semi-professionally with the local municipal band.
3) Took a cruise to Mexico and Bahamas, and went parasailing, and it was totally fun.
4) I did get to go around much of Wisconsin with the marching band, and got to go to Cheyenne, WY for the Western Days as part of a band competition, as well as to Traverse City, MI for the Cherry Festival for more band competitions.
5) Traveled to Boston, MA for the Sister City Planning conference way back in time, and I must say, Boston is a big city with a LOT of history, and it’s beautiful there. I wouldn’t mind going there again, and if I were to move to a coastal city permanently, it would be Boston.
6) Went to Washington DC twice, during the lobby days where I was successful in getting a few bills passed with the legislators, and being spring, the cherry trees were in full blossom, and was very impressive. The smell off of these trees in blossom is my second favorite, behind the scent of lilacs in full bloom.
7) I love amusement parks, and I love riding roller coasters. I’ve been to 6 Flags; Disney in Florida, California, AND Tokyo; Epcot Center.
8) Got paid to be a nude model for an art class. B) Was co-coach one year, and the head coach another year for my son’s little league baseball team.
Okay, sorry, sorry... Didn’t mean to brag, and there are a few more things I’ve accomplished, and well. Maybe I can include everything in my screenplay, if anyone will take it, produce it, and make it into a movie. I am just glad that I at least had a little bit of an opportunity for myself. What I don’t have, though, is the fact that I’d like my son to have the same type of experiences, but have not had the money to be able to pull it off. I’m not even sure how I’m going to be able to replenish his bank account since I had to deplete it a long time ago to pay off our electric company. Yes, that was irresponsible of me. Yes, I feel guilty because there should be a small chunk in there, but there is nothing for when he graduates in 2018. I have no idea how I’ll get it in there with the way this crap is going.
This brings me to the humongous poverty wall... Here is the thing. The US economy crashed in 2008. We are still on our knees and struggling to get back up. Japan’s economy crashed in 2014. They are already doing a much better job to bring the economy back up. While I’m sure they exist, I had not witnessed any homelessness while I traveled there. Though there were those who were poor, even health foods were more affordable.
The saddest thing about the poverty level here in Racine, is that I am not the only one here, and the others who are also hit hard by it are not just strangers or acquaintances. I KNOW these people. They are some of my friends. People who also have dreams, things they’d like to accomplish, pursue their other interests besides work, etc... But, notice how everything on my bucket list requires a chunk of money... Money I don’t have... I’ll give it to you straight.
I realize my finances aren’t public interest, but, I have no reason to be embarrassed, so here it is. My son gets $666 for child support each month. Every Saturday, I work for an elderly lady who pays me $20 each week to help her with her shower, grocery shopping, and a little bit of light housekeeping. This is it. This is what I am supporting 4 people on. Both Mike and David had their jobs fall through, and are in the same bracket as myself to try to find employment. My rent for the house I live in is $500/mo. Sure, at that price, it is a good deal for a whole house. But, having internet costs money. Electric and gas cost money. Nonfood items such as toilet paper, tooth paste, etc. cost money. Money I don’t have to be able to buy everything, yet, I do what I can so that even if I use double coupons to make the food stamps last longer, so I don’t have to shell out cash for that. Gas costs money. Technically, the rent I can afford is $175-250/mo for rent (that would bee around 25-33% of my income). We all know that the lower your income is, the less amount of your pay should go for it. So, if you make $2.5 million a month, you could probably afford to spend 50% of your income on housing. For those of us who are in poverty, it is actually irresponsible to pay this much, yet, here in Racine, there is no place available to help us make up the difference in the rent, because the list is still 2 years out. We can’t even get on that list at this time.
For those of you who may not know, I left the home care agency I was working for as a CNA to go to the VA nursing home to be the full time unit clerk for one of the buildings. The main reason was because my back, which was already partly messed up to begin with, ended up going totally to pot by the time I ended my 12.5 years of employment there. While I still experience 24/7 back pain, it’s not as severe as it was when I used to work as an aide. There were days where when I left my last client, I could barely get into my car, and had to have help getting out of the car when I got home. On two separate occasions, the back pain was so bad, one time I got a morphine shot just have it calm me down from the excruciating pain I had... The next time, I was given a prescription for hydrocodone. Of course, it was only for a short run, just 3 days worth, but, with the pain level was so bad, I would have rather died than to have to live with it. As in going into labor to birth 8 pound babies on a daily basis sounded better than the kind of pain I was experiencing, because at least once the baby is born, the pain level comes down fairly quickly to tolerable zones.
Okay, so back to this poverty thing... When people see me, they figure that I am strong and capable. I look like I am physically strong. I am. Or at least I used to be. Mike says that he can still feel a thick layer of muscle on my back, that most women and half the men he knows doesn’t have the kind of back muscle I have... And I wish I could do a whole lot more. But, I was tested for physical function, and I was pushing to try to work what I would call a normal amount for me... And I was surprised that it lists that I have a 20# weight limit for 1/3 of the day, and should be broken up throughout, as opposed to doing it straight through. OR, 10# weight limit for 2/3 of the day, and also be intermittently done. Doing work where I would have to crouch, kneel, twist, or work overhead for long amounts of time are off limits for me. So, that leaves office work.
Mind you, I am fully capable of working in an office. I know how to use the office programs, file, fax, use multiline phones, take messages, be professionally helpful, etc. My goal is to make sure that the boss has as little on his/her desk as possible, and to solve issues before they become big problems. Happy customers/clients are repeat customers who bring their family and friends back for said services and such due to the high level of work performance on my part, while making them feel comfortable. Yet, in the last year and a half, no one has wanted me for any office work. I have bills to pay for. A teenage boy to fend for. Things I need to get to run my household the way I want. But, I don’t have employment. I hate the fact that there are times I get dirty looks from other people when I pull out my food stamp card.
Now, mind you, I’m not trying to complain. I’m glad we have the food stamps and medical care, because without them, I don’t know what I’d do for us. That, I am thankful for. But, of course, it’s one of these things that I would rather have my own money that I earned to be able to pay for my own stuff. It’s that little thing called self pride. I am ready and willing to work. People tell me not to give up, to keep trying... But seriously... I have easily filled out 3000 applications since April of 2014... What am I supposed to keep trying? I’ve already applied to these places, and I can’t get anything? Even after graduating with a BA... My best job based on my education was as a substitute teacher, where I got no benefits at all, and the call rate was so erratic, I had to leave.
Thing is, what is there that is helping people? Only if you are homeless, have AODA issues, or just released back into the community after serving time as a felon... Seriously? GEEZE!
Yes, I have used the Workforce Development Center. I got my CNA & HUC diplomas there. I was certified. I went in for all of the workshops. I updated my resume. I applied like a crazy lady. Nothing. I signed up for this F-SET program, and they wanted me to go do house keeping for a shelter “to develop work skills to put on the resume”... Um... I’ve been working for over 30 years. I did all of my own housekeeping until my back wouldn’t do it anymore. And I need work experience doing housekeeping to have something to put on my resume? UGH! I updated my resume again, through the orientation. Still no luck.
I went to DVR. The one lady dropped my at the end of 90 days over this function test that the center doing it had sat on it so long, that my time expired. The original lady assigned to me pretty much refused to help me in any way that made logical sense. I had told her that I went to my doctor, got the referral, sent it over to the therapy department, and had called, they didn’t get back to me, and then ignored my call backs to find out info, and rather than the DVR counselor stepping in to help, also sat back and let my time expire. Then refused to answer my inquiries on what I can do to open my case back up.
So finally I go to Racine Vocational Ministry. They send me back to reapply at DVR. I did get started. But, so far, I don’t think it’s going to help me much. I got handed a list of “job developers”. I picked one. I met with her. Aside from a small little tweak on my resume, and a template for a cover letter, I really haven’t gotten anything else...
Yes, I am using online job boards. I’m on Job Center of Wisconsin, Wisc.jobs, City of Racine, Racine County, Career builder, every hospital in S.E. Wisconsin, Indeed, and a bunch of others... I am capable of office work, I try and want to learn everything about the job, so I can be efficient in the organization I work for... I want to work. Yet, not. one. single. offer. After all of these... then I get accused of being insecure, when I come across strong. Um. No, wench. I am not insecure. I know I’m worth hiring. But, after literally, 3000 rejections in the last 2 years, and over the course of time since I graduated with my BA in 1995, and have worked graveyard at gas stations just to have income.... I figure the amount of jobs I’ve applied for to be gainfully employed in a meaningful workplace adds up to about 7000 professional type jobs... And 7000 rejections for what ever reason... Am I supposed to be happy? I would think most people would have given up long, long ago. Maybe I’m insane. If one cannot understand that I am frustrated in this situation, maybe you don’t “get it” that yes, some of us actually bust our butts to get little to no success... Yet still poke stupid comments and think it’s cute... Well. Since some of these people think that they’re being cute, when they make stupid comments, yes. I flat out tell them they are being stupid. If that is offensive, maybe it’s the truth. Then be glad I’m doing you a favor, so you can stop being stupid....
Until then, hoping to be able to find something that works, though I don’t know where. It seems as if no one wants anyone my age who is qualified, has a set of work ethics, and is willing to go the extra mile, because some 20 year old bubble head who acts like Kelly Bundy got hired for my job because the boss thinks that stupidly cute is grand. Then don’t wonder why your business failed or that you’re not doing the business you wanted and is within reach... If you wanted a successful business that brought in the comfortable type income, you should have hired me instead. I would give accurate information. Pointed them in the right direction. Actually paid attention to customers... And they would have been satisfied, became repeat customers and brought in family and friends... The saddest part of all of this? I have at least 5 friends, 2 acquaintances and 4 others who are friends of my friends who are in this same predicament that their life dream is slipping away, and don’t know how they’re going to have their children go to college or learn a trade, or what ever it is. All of us have bucket lists that are not even on the back burner. They are in the basement or garage collecting cobwebs because it seems that even our leaders don’t seem to care, because survey says the unemployment numbers are down. Where? - then lead us to the places we can get those jobs, then! That would help solve a lot of our problems. I dare you to ask me how it would.
Peace out.
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