Week 25: Always Working

Subtopic 1: Mention something you do at work

Subtopic 2: Use a quote from the movie Office Space

Say what?

Whether it's at home, at the office, on the floor, wherever it is, whatever I'm doing, it feels like I am Always Working!!! It's not always easy, because 2 years after surgery to correct a very smashed nerve, I still have to work on the various therapies. I thought I'd be more consistent than this... But, the pandemic took a toll, and finally was diagnosed with autoimmune disorders. It's a mixed blessing. On one hand, I know what it is. On the other, there is no "cure". Meh: even doctors are unsure why this sorta thing happens. So, it's all about trying to figure out the best course of action to help me.

My job title is Office Manager (at a tiny office where 2 nonprofits operate under the same director, I'm hired for one of them). I know what the job title is supposed to entail, but I often feel like I'm more of a glorified receptionist who does intake applications for the other one. I'm really trying not to complain, but I normally just look up information. Nothing, in particular, just that curiosity sets in about the etymology of a word, or the name of an actor I remembered from some show but can't remember their name, how many different species of dragonflies there are, etc. Yeah, I'm strange sometimes.

In life, I feel like I definitely missed my calling. As a youngster, I wanted to be a performer - music, acting, etc. But, in realizing that you pretty much have to not only be in the top 1%, but you also have to be the cream of the crop to make any real money, at around 11 or 12, I wanted to be a ball player (I played on a girls' team as the catcher). At that point, Girls' Professional Baseball was pretty much phased out, so... next... At least I did pick up the clarinet, played in the marching band for 5 years, played in college, and still play semiprofessionally. I find it therapeutic that for now, despite my health, I still get to play, and get paid a little bit while I'm at it too! And, it's pretty cool that I live in the hometown of the Racine Belles, one of the best teams during WWII when Men's Baseball was put on hold. Our local heritage museum even pays tribute to them, and I remember my grandmother talking a little bit about it.

I wish someone had told me this when I was young... "Our High School Guidance Counselor Used To Ask Us What You Would Do If You Had A Million Dollars And Didn't Have To Work. And Invariably, Whatever You'd Say, That Was Supposed To Be Your Career." I'd pursued a BA in International Relations, due to the fact that I'm multicultural, and tend to be able to understand people (generally and even with language barriers), at a time when my local community had several international companies that were based here, so I thought I'd be good. Since then, many have either left the area or folded. The ones that are still around, would prefer to utilize temp agencies for their production work, making it difficult to "earn" your way in permanently, and even more difficult to get into the office. There's no way I could do production right now. So, maybe it wasn't meant? That still leaves me with very little in retirement, if anything at all. I just know that the last couple of years, things aside from the pandemic changed everything, so... I guess it's time, just to accept that I'll literally be a starving artist for life.

Maybe, it's just time for me to focus on me. After a lifetime of attempting to make positive impacts wherever I go, win some, lose some, draw some, I need to put those efforts onto myself... It's not easy to trust the systems at play, when as an advocate, I see so many holes, gaps, missing things, etc... but I can't necessarily fight the system when I need so much extra for myself, and have projects I'd like to get done also. What used to take up to a couple of hours could take me a couple days. I have to assess whether "the best I can" is good enough or not. In the meantime... it's looking up more info...

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